Proverbs 18:21
The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.
I remember after Claire turned two telling my hair dresser (cause that’s what the cool kids call them) I didn’t know why they called it the terrible twos, she’s a pretty compliant kid and has not caused a lot of trouble in her little life with the exception of the newborn stage. My hairdresser has older kids and laughed, and said “the twos are fine, it’s the threes you have to worry about.” I laughed her off and thought well at least I have a whole year.
Well we are three and half now and I guess she was right. Two was easy. Two was breezy. Two was beautiful. Three has been a beast of attitude and drama that I didn’t know you could find outside of reality TV shows. The hardest part, I miss my daughter, the buddy I had when times were simpler and every day was not a battle. I miss being a fun mom, not the angry fat one at the pool (I’m 6 months pregnant but fat sounds funnier to me). I miss who we were. Now we are in the thick of it, dealing with the real issues, not just don’t touch the outlet kind of stuff but don’t punch your brother (I’m sure your kids don’t do that) because he has something you want. We are getting to the heart of the matter if you will, the why’s behind the don’ts, and it’s utterly exhausting.
To make matters more tiring nap time is nonexistent, which was my actual saving grace every day, and for the past week I have silently wept a little because I honestly don’t feel up for the task. I have been praying for God to change her heart but this morning I realized he needed to change mine. I have wanted quick fixes to life time problems, I have wanted discipline to result in heart change, but heart change takes time, sometimes a life time. Heart change takes guidance not frustration. Each long day I keep singing that silly song in my head, “oh you can’t hurry love, no you just have to wait, love don’t come easy, it’s a game of give and take.”
We can’t rush motherhood. I can’t rush to the good part without first trudging through the swamps of threedom. I can’t make her understand the matters of the heart if I won’t take my time to teach and love her through it. In a way she’s doing exactly what she should be doing, she’s being a kid, and she’s asking me to teach her (in not so many words) and I have a choice, will I rage like the hulk and bring death with my tongue or will I love as God loves me, patiently guiding and discipline in love nudging her to be the precious daughter God made her to be?
I admit I’ve been more hulkish lately, I have missed opportunities to take her in my arms and just tell her I love her even though she’s being difficult. Each time I have walked away and heard God whisper to my heart, “is that how I love you?” No. it isn’t. Consequences are unavoidable if you disobey but my relationship with her should never be up for grabs. I don’t want her to ever wonder if she crossed the line beyond what my love can bear. If I am sending her a message like that then I am not pointing her towards Jesus. I don’t have any illusions that I will be perfect but she needs to understand that God loves her no matter what, just as he does all people, and if she doesn’t think I love her no matter what why would she think a perfect God would?
So I will stop rushing this thing, I will take the time to teach when I want to scold, I will hold her when I want to walk away, and I will expect her to be three. I will find ways to look at the good and not focus on the bad. I will ask forgiveness when I get it wrong and I will send her a message of love instead of one filled with disappointment.
17 But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere.
James 3:17
Alayne Blankenship - Thank you for this!! I so needed it! I have three and half year old b/g twins and I feel like all I do is referee, warn, yell, and dole out consequences all day, every day. Then the mom guilt suffocates me at night once they are finally asleep and I come face to face with the fact that my actions were mostly fueled by anger all day, yet somehow I find myself right back at my wits-end before breakfast the next morning. It’s a vicious, exhausting cycle. God has really been speaking to me that my mommy heart needs a change. If I’m going to bring them up in the ways of the Lord, then my eyes must be fixed on Jesus. I must love them like He loves me. “Heart change takes guidance, not frustration.” Convicted my heart!
Hosea 10:12 NLT, ‘Plant the good seeds of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of love. Plow up the hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the LORD, that he may come and shower righteousness upon you.’
Tindell Baldwin - You’re most welcome, sometimes its just nice to know other people are struggling in the same way. Hang in there, motherhood is no joke and that is a great verse!