Sometimes I get to do really cool things, OK to some people they aren’t that cool but for a stay at home mom who sometimes writes they feel pretty cool. Sunday my wonderfully talented literary agent was in town and he had a meeting with my dad. The Stanfill’s are kind of like the Christian mafia, if you work with one of us you are going to end up working with the rest of us in some way, shape, or form. So I was basically there to say hi and sit in while they talked business. Well joining us was the CEO of Open Doors.
We started talking and He began telling me about the persecuted church overseas and the great lengths they were going to at great personal risk to spread the gospel. As he began to tell me story after story of men and woman who risked their lives day after day I realized what he was talking about was far more biblical than the fancy dinner I was sitting at. So I asked him, “Do you believe Americans face persecution” very confidently he said, “No, we face temptation and we face the question that everyone who is persecuted for their faith already knows the answer to.” I was eager at this point, I wanted the answer. I wanted to be on the inside (again stay at home mom so this is the most adult conversation I’ve had in awhile) He said.
“They already know that Jesus is enough but we might never get to the point where we have to truly know that” (I am paraphrasing but this was the gist)
This is a man who has traveled the world, met very influential people and biblical scholars. He knows the gospel and he just summed up my problem in one sentence. Will I ever know that Jesus is enough? In my four bedroom house filled with comfort, will I ever know how much I truly need Jesus? In my day to day where I love on my daughter, spend precious time with my husband, and am surrounded by family and friends, will I ever know that all that truly matters is Jesus?
I hear about people like Paul and Stephan who were killed for their faith so many years ago and I tell myself but that was so long ago, things were so different. It was an inhumane time. Is it really any better though? Have things really changed? 27 million slaves in the world and I call this a more “humane” time. People dying daily for their faith and I say things have changed. No truth remains truth, when you really fully understand how full and rich a life with Jesus is you will go to any lengths to make others understand. (and I thought giving the passion CD to the lady at Starbucks was doing my due diligence)
Sometimes it feels like I’ve made such a impenetrable comfort bubble that he can’t get through and if I am honest I’m scared to ask him to show me because I fear, no I know, it would involve being uncomfortable and that would disrupt my happiness.
I realized that as much as I hunger for a life filled with him I want it to be a comfortable life filled with him. I want him to come sit on my plush couch have coffee with me while we discuss who we are “praying for”. I want a Jesus who doesn’t ask me to change, go, or trust. I want Jesus to be the friendly old lady at church who is completely satisfied if I come have tea with her once a week.
This isn’t the God I serve though, this isn’t all he asking of me. He’s asking a lot and I believe I can either stay in my bubble and answers the questions right and say the right things or I can get uncomfortable with people not knowing about Jesus and do something about it. Until I am willing to do whatever, go wherever, and say whatever he asks I am proclaiming that Jesus is not enough.