Tindell Baldwin »

Packing

Its sunday night and Ben and I are rejoicing that we don’t have work tomorrow (although that is most of my days) and we are celebrating by packing boxes. I can’t believe a year ago we moved into this house, our first house as husband and wife. I remember the first night we moved in, our mattress was laid on the floor and boxes covered every inch of the house. We had spent twelve hours in the car and then I proceeded to unpack the entire u-haul, I was nesting as psychologist call it, I call it me going crazy. After a few hours of unpacking we dropped into bed in sheer exhaustion and just started laughing, we couldn’t believe we were really where we were. We had gotten married, gone on a honeymoon, packed up my life, and moved to Houston, TX. It was the last place I expected to be two months out of college but I guess that’s why I don’t make the plans.

Now here we are again, one year later, repacking the boxes and moving into our next place. I am praying it will be a happier place, I am praying that this next season will be a peaceful one. See no matter how much i love Ben I couldn’t stop life from happening when we got married. I couldn’t predict the feelings of guilt from leaving my family, I couldn’t predict the loneliness that would fill my days, and I couldn’t predict life changing circumstances to arise every time we almost got settled.

However, even with the rough times this house still holds a world of good. It was our first home. It was what we came home to. It was where we would sit every night and rehash our days, sometimes with a hot meal if I had been a good enough wife to cook that day. We had our first Christmas here together, although we couldn’t wait till Christmas day and had no chaperone’s so we had our first Christmas twelve days early. It was wonderful. We had friends over for dinner, some friendships that we will have for a lifetime. We have gained so much its hard to remember why I was so weary to leave in the first place.

Leaving Atlata was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Right before Ben and I left the wedding my brothers, my parents, and I all got in a big circle and cried and hugged each other I guess we knew everything was going to be different. I had to let go of my wonderful family and start my own. That moment still makes me want to cry. After the honeymoon I packed with such sadness I thought the whole room could feel it. I cried with every picture frame, journal, or anything that reminded me of my childhood. I spent most of the day crying. When we finally got it loaded I turned to my mom who was waiting to give me one last tearful goodbye as I got into my car, I no longer lived there. She hugged me and told me they’d come visit soon. As we drove away I saw the tears streaming down her face and she sank into my dad. I did the same to Ben.  Driving away was one oft he hardest moments in my life.

But here we are packing boxes and not to move back to atlanta but to a loft in Houston. A year latter and the storm has calmed. We have met amazing friends that feel like family. We have been blessed with job security and while my schedule is constantly changing it works.

I thought when we moved out here I would just get a job and find friends and be settled. Then when that didnt happen and I realized I didnt want a normal job so I started subbing and now helping at a Pregnancy help center. God knew why he wanted me here. He wanted to me to here to bond with Ben and to let go of my parents. Most kids arent the ones who have to let go of their parents but in my case i must. I must realize they don’t need me as much as i wish they did and keep going with life. It has been a hard transition but God has never left, he always gave me encouragement and he gave me Ben. Ben can right all the wrongs in my life with on of his smiles and often he does. Ben is my greatest blessing but we also have Jesus and Ben and I couldn’t have worked without Jesus.

So we pack boxed for the next adventure in our marriage. We wonder what new friends we will meet or what job I might actually take. I wonder what God will call us to because at this point im open for anything. For now though we will just pack our boxes and remember our first year together.

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