Tindell Baldwin »

Sick as sin

I have always been an open person, probably too open but I have done my best to tone it down. When I was younger I told my grandparents friends that I hated waffle house, they happened to own quite a few. The older I got the more I learned how to use that little filter in my brain but I have tried not to tone it down too much. When I became a christian (AD) I got the impression I was supposed to hold things in, keep my struggles a secret and learn the correct answers to questions like how are you doing. When I was going through a hard time I learned to say, “it’s hard but Gods going to get me though it” even if I didn’t believe it I found my mouth saying the words. Then I what’s worse is I started giving answers I didn’t know if I believed. “I’ll pray for you” come out much better than the actual prayers and while I know God’s not up there waiting on me to answer prayers I bet he’d enjoy me thinking about someone besides me. A year into my faith I found I was dieing for answers to questions I was too afraid to ask. What if God didn’t answer my prayers? What does his sovereignty really look like? I had watched my mom be prayed over numerous times and each time she left sick. I was loosing faith and found little outreach in the Christian community. How do we expect to struggle together of we can’t be honest. When did how are you become a filler statement? And can someone please tell me what in the world fine means. I heard once that we are only as sick as our secrets and I think Christianity breaths better when we can air out our secrets. I dare to say that affairs in the church might be cut in half if someone could begin to divulge their real struggles. Maybe teens wouldn’t experiment with sex and drugs If they could talk about why they want to. If we could open the doors to utter honesty I think God might stand out as more than just the a man in the sky. If we could embrace all that grace has to offer then the world might not define Christians as hypocrits. Community will only come when we can struggle and rise together. Questions are not scary (as Isaac would say) if we aren’t scared of the answers. Let’s put away the pamplets about church terms and say what we are really thinking. If life sucks I promise it won’t get any better just because you lie about it. Struggle together and don’t be afraid to say what’s on your mind. Say what everyone else is probably already thinking and live a life of freedom God has promised you!

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