As mother day approaches I think about all the seasons I have been in as a mother. New mother, newborn, toddler, mom of two, exhausted and blissful, tired and angry, a little bitter, and greatly overjoyed. As soon as I got the hang of one I would instantly be thrown into a new emotion, a new season, and wonder if I was thriving or just simply surviving. At some point in each hard season I would try to hurry to the next.
We are about to enter into yet another new season, another season of hard and exhausting and while I know there is light at the end of the tunnel there will be no way around the hard. No way around the sleepless nights and hormonal ups and downs, no way around the crying and the straight up fear that comes with having a newborn. No way around the utter joy and yet very real challenge of having three kids ages 3 to 0. Sometimes there is just no way around.
When we were on car trips as kid my mom had this camp song she would sing with us to pass the time. We would pat our hands on our knees one hand at a time so it sounded like walking and say “going on a bear hunt… oh there is a lake, can’t go around it, can’t go over it, got to go through it.” This went on for what seemed like hours (doesn’t everything feel that way as a kid) with all different scenarios where you had to go through the challenge for this bear hunt (we were a super cool family). I have been thinking about that silly song as I think about motherhood.
PINIMAGE
Sometimes you just have to go through it. The good the bad and the ugly. The challenges, the joys, and the unknown. Don’t blink or you will miss it, don’t wish it away or you will regret it, and if you enjoy it all see your nearest psychiatrist (kidding). I am very much on my bear hunt and every day seems to have a different challenge in store for us that I must go through.
However none of my diaper drama seems to compare to all the mothers in a season of loss, where mother’s day might be sweet but also have a twinge of real pain. I have asked God many times why mothers must ever go through the pain of losing a child. It seems senseless, unfair, and just plain cruel.
Our community is currently reeling from a tragic car accident at UGA that killed four young girls. I am thinking about the hunt their mothers are on, a tearful journey to find peace in the midst of unbearable pain. The process of going through the bear hunt without one of your cubs. If only motherhood came with guarantees of healthy babies and days that looked more like those diaper commercials. It never seems to be that way. Motherhood seems to be a process of going through season after season where we are refined into the woman God needs us to be. At a vigil for these young women the mom of one of the girls said she was of course in terrible pain but still believed God was a good father. Wow. That is a voice of a mother refined by fire. Sometimes the only guarantee that we can cling to is that God offers hope in the darkest of days. Even when our seasons are terrible he is still good.
My sister in law said recently said she’s so glad she’s not the woman she was before she had kids and I couldn’t agree more. This hunt of mine has lead me through so many challenges that has refined my soul. I’ve needed each season. There is no greater teacher than selfless servanthood.
So no matter the season, press on, go through it. Find that bear, and lean into our Good Good father when the journey seems too much.
anna Etheriedge - …If you have contact, please tell that momma that our daughter has been greatly impacted by the tragedy at UGA, getting caught up accidentally in the crowd at Tate Hall. Some much needed questions have finally been asked and God has been using that very situation of death to bring “new life.”
BTW loved your blog. 3 wasn’t bad (even 3 and under)… until I got pregnant again 🙂 After that, nothing phases you!
Cathy Semeria - Hi, I’m that mom. You don’t know me, but…. 🙂 I came across your blog and know your brother Kristian from Passion. My daughter Christina went and heard you speak at UGA and bought your book and told me how much you touched her with sharing your life. She loved your authentic and vulnerable style. I love how you love others and how you are helping others in their shame and darkness to come into the light and know they aren’t alone. I don’t think I’ve ever written a message to someone that I don’t know, but I felt compelled and moved by the Holy Spirit to share some of my story to bless you. My “beautifully broken” story. I’m a Mom of 4 beautiful children. Two boys and two girls. My youngest 19 year old daughter Christina “Tini” Semeria was one of the 4 UGA girls that was killed in a car accident on April 27th, 2016 after praying off campus before their finals. The accident happened around 8:45 @ dusk and they weren’t speeding, texting or drinking. They were filled with joy and laughter as Tini and her 3 best friends went to be with Jesus together hand in hand that night. Tini’s heartbeat was to reach the least the lost, the last and the hopeless. She is a worship leader, a singer and a songwriter. She was bold and fearless with her faith. She wanted everyone to know Jesus. She was an AXO Sister and an active member of UGA Heroes. I believe the Lord has prompted me to share this with you to share Tini’s song that she wrote, is singing and playing the guitar. The song is called “Be Still” and she wrote it in July 2015 while serving on Summer Staff at Young Life’s Trail West Camp in Colorado. I hope this song will minister to you as it has to over 50,000 and more the past 8 months. I’ve also included her blog that she had just put together called A Stirring Heart and a blog post called Spark in the Dark. I believe that you are that spark in the dark that Tini writes about. Keep sharing your heart, you are indeed showing hope, love and HIS light to others. I know the Lord has called me to write a book and one day when I can think again I believe the Lord will show me how to do that. I’m praying for you. Can I ask you to pray for me and my family? I miss my sweet girl so much. I believe she would LOVE you and I hope that one day we can sit and have coffee and share stories. I go to Passion City and spoke at the December Grove 2 nights on hope and help from heaven. I’m leaning in and have a tight grip on God’s hand trusting that He will hold me tight and never leave me. God Bless you.
https://m.soundcloud.com/christina-semeria/be-still
https://christinasemeria.wordpress.com/about/
Anna Etheriedge - Cathy, my daughter, Sarah 22, was so very touched by the events at UGA surrounding your daughter’s death. She has since had a huge change of heart and path… an awakening of her soul. I loved your comment and wondered if I might share it on my blog and your daughter’s beautiful song. I really love it! What a testimony and amazing voice she sings with. My email is ace@etheriedge.com and my blog is “ForGlorySake!” etheriedge.wordpress.com. Thank you for sharing this comment, Anna
Tindell Baldwin - Cathy,
Forgive me for not getting to your heart felt comment sooner. I ache for you. I cannot imagine all you have struggled through in the past months. What you have lived through I shudder to think about. When I first got saw your comment I was rocking a crying baby at 3am and felt the lord tell me not to take for granted any moment. What a gift it is to know she loved Jesus. I know that doesn’t ease your pain but I grateful that you knew she loved the one who says there is more than this love. That doesn’t diminish your hurt though. I am honored you would share part of your story with me. Thank you. Tindell Baldwin
Cathy Semeria - I’m so grateful that the Lord spoke to you through my sweet Tini’s life and hope that you’ll download her song Be Still – it’s on iTunes now and all proceeds are going to ministries Tini is passionate about including Passion. You can download here – christinasemeria.org
All my love and hope to meet you someday soon. Give your sweet baby a hug from me! Cathay Semeria