Satans tongue is filled with deceit. I am reminded this morning as I read my favorite devotional. I have been warned but some days it feels too much like a Disney movie to fully believe. I hear, I say it to others, but I fail to separate the vicious lies that are being hurled my way on a daily basis. His number one target, my God, his God, yes even Satan believes the in the God he assaults daily. (James 2:19)
Sometimes though on the really hard days, when my sink is filled with flowers for loved ones, and prayers are more of an outcry then any real words, when notes need to be sent, and the news is too gruesome to even watch, on those days I question. On days when I hear of a father waiting for his Son to be found in the ruble of tragedy, yes on those days I start to believe. I believe that God couldn’t possibly care about his people, I believe he is heartless. I start to believe that I do not matter to him, that he has turned from us.
Until I remember his son, the one who wasn’t found buried under ruble but hanging on the cross. I remember the pleas of his own that asked Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me” (luke 22:42) but what Jesus knew, and I what I must be reminded of is the part he says after that, “yet not my will but yours be done”.
That’s hard. I want explanations and more than that I want assurance that I will never send my little girl out one day for her only to never return home. I want to know that God has my best interest at heart. And satan whispers, how can you trust a God like that? I want to scream back “I don’t know”. Then I look at my own life, the times that were filled with more pain than I care to remember, a time that he has turned into a way for me to share his glory. I can read drafted suicide notes and see that God did not forsake me in those moments but not for me, no for him.
I think what I have to remember is I don’t want a world based on my will be done. I don’t want a world I can explain because how can my human mind explain a holy God, only if he becomes human and looses the holy. No. I need the holy, I need the set apart, and I need to know that the same God who sent Jesus to die for me is the same one who is preparing forever.