When I first thought about being a writer I loved the idea that I could have words but no face, that someone would know me for something I had said rather than what I looked like. Cause I will be honest, I am a Hot mess, minus the hot.
I spend most of my days covered in spit up. If I had a uniform it would be yoga pants and my husbands t shirt. I don’t go to cool events or lunch with important people, I am a mom to a four month old, a wife to an amazing (and might I add attractive) man, a friend to some amazing woman, a sister to some life changing people, and a daughter to wonderful parents. Some days I spend more time on you tube looking up videos of baby wombats than i’d care to admit (ok thats never ok to admit). I don’t see my girl friends as much as I would like. I spend less time in the bible than I should. Life is life. Its messy and crazy and most days I collapse into bed at 10 o clock and just thank God for the chance to shower.
I’m not even one of those creative moms that makes bible characters out of left over Popsicle sticks and tin foil (not sure if this is a thing but im sure pintrest would prove that it is). I cook sub par meals and my husband and I are totally great with that. I have my gifts sure, but my place in life right now is at home with my girl. This means I won’t be important to many people and that is exactly what God wants from me in this season. I believe he has called me to serve my family, my husband, and my daughter.
I have learned that the world is telling most woman in situations like mine, that this is not ok.The world says that to be valued means I need to be important to a lot of people. To be important I have to be recognized for an accomplishment or a title I hold. This is a lie.
God says being important doesn’t matter, being last matters. Serving matters more than leading and if I find myself in a position to lead it is only by his grace. God says his acceptance and love of me is more valuable than any position I might be placed in on this earth, and oh by the way if I am placed in a position he did it.
I believe when God said “go and make disciples” he meant my daughter and who better to influence her than someone with her DNA( Poor baby she had no choice) . This is the kind of stuff I want to teach her but what will I do when that precious little face looks up at me one day and says, “but mommy you are never last”.
Its a learning curve I am on. Making progress day by day mostly because I am forced to but I know this is one of the most important lessons I will learn. I am learning that when I am serving at my greatest capacity is when I am in the best position to lead.